Saturday, March 11, 2006

Aliyah - Just Don't Do It

As everyone who knows me knows, I can go on and on for hours about Aliyah, Israel, and overall why it’s such a bad idea for Americans. I can also talk about adultery and certain forbidden feelings I may have at some point expressed to Jameel another blogger, but that is for another post and when I am less busy running for public office (though I don’t know if that might help or hinder my electoral chances) .

Let’s pretend for the moment that I would recommend moving to Israel. Oh I can’t, let’s get real. It’s so much better to visit Israel as a tourist or for business reasons than to actually move here and become a citizen. Who are we kidding?

Comparing visiting Israel as an American as to making Aliyah:

Visit: You get to keep all your money in your bank.
Aliyah: The government takes as much as it can as fast as it can directly from your bank account.

Visit: Buying a car in Israel as a tourist you pay zero taxes.
Aliyah: Buying a car as an Oleh or Israeli you pay between 50%- 200% in taxes!!!!

Visit: If visiting for business reasons, your Israeli clients/partners treat you with respect and deference.
Aliyah: If job hunting, your potential employers will look down at your 10 years at Goldman Sachs and your M.B.A. from Harvard as being irrelevant - since in Israel things work differently and you can’t understand anything about business (computers, teaching, economics, etc.).

Visit: You get to go on ‘Missions’, sit on nice buses, and be treated royally in hotels and restaurants.
Aliyah: You get to sit on crowded public buses and worry if they will blow up.

Visit: You can get as much inexpensive (quality) drugs you want on Zion square, and the worse the police will do to you if you get caught is send you back to the briar patch America.
Aliyah: Same drugs, more serious punishment.

Visit: You actually get to meet important politicians and have influence on them and their policy.
Aliyah: Your vote counts for nothing (but don’t forget to vote for my party).

Visit: You get to go to an army base for a week, play soldier, shoot guns, and have important generals come visit you and thank you for volunteering.
Aliyah: You get to go to an army base for a few years, eat dirt and the only time you might see a general is if you are his lowly driver for the 2am-6am shift.

Visit: As a Reform rabbi you can get to meet the Supreme Court president who will honor you and tell you what he is doing for your cause.
Aliyah: You might as well be job hunting with an M.B.A. from Harvard and 10 years at Goldman Sachs, because your title is worth less than that and the best job you might get is as a (alternate) weekly columnist at the Jerusalem Post.

Now obviously I could go on with this list forever, but let me get straight to the point. Only a freier makes Aliyah. Visit here, maybe even buy a home and visit on Pesach, but don’t make Aliyah.

Simpy put, why lose all your advantages as an American tourist, when as an Israeli you'll be made to pay through the nose?

Oh, and Jameel, I love you.


At 8:56 AM, March 12, 2006, Anonymous PP said...

Whoever you are, alternate Ze'ev, I love YOU. (In a non-adulterous manner of course)

At 10:06 AM, March 12, 2006, Anonymous Haim said...

Zeev: Such pathetic Orthodox Settler crazy drivel!

Don't you get it? If you guys weren't moronic Orthodox settlers to begin with, you would have seen the light about all the great things we DO have in Israel!

Why are you dark age fanatics so blind?

You make me sick.

At 12:46 PM, March 12, 2006, Anonymous H said...

Just so everyone knows, that was an alternative Haim as well.

At 2:03 PM, March 12, 2006, Blogger Ezzie said...

Hehe :)

At 5:35 PM, March 12, 2006, Anonymous haim said...

I am now an alternative haim! why are you always putting words in my mouth!

crazy religious fanatics.

At 12:51 AM, March 13, 2006, Anonymous s said...

alternate Ze'ev, cute. Liked the seconed paragraph.

At 11:39 PM, March 15, 2006, Blogger bec said...

(as if you didn't realize that.)


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